I have had this conversation more times than I’d like to admit, only with more stuttering on my part (I don’t speak in full sentences when I’m angry — sometimes don’t even make it to anything resembling a sentence).
The thing is, yes. Yes it is absolutely that simple. If there is any doubt in your mind about whether the person you are having/attempting to have sexual relations with is consenting, stop and ask. If they aren’t actively engaging, if they seem frightened, if anything at all seems off, stop and ask. If they are not capable of answering, consent has not been given. (The course of action should be pretty clear if they say no, but just in case, fucking stop what you’re doing.) If, on the other hand, you are met with an affirmation that all is well in the kingdom of sexual interactions, you may proceed. It is very, very simple.
If you can’t be bothered to follow these easy steps, you shouldn’t be having sex. If you don’t care enough about whether or not you’re raping someone to make sure consent has been given, you should not be having sex. Period.
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