The Lich Queen Muses

The reasons I think I need to probably start a food blog are 1. terrible, and 2. embodied in my experience with making french onion soup today.

So I was basing it loosely off of this recipe (and I say “basing it loosely” both because I just didn’t have some of the things in my house and couldn’t be fucked to go get them, and because of what follows).  This is how it went:

• Start off strong.  Cut onions until eyes are watering and you can no longer see.  Manage not to slice hand open whilst still blindly chopping onions.
• Wait for the foamy butter/sugar/salt mix to stop foaming, and toss evil onions in.  Let them happily cook for ten minutes.
• Put lid on.  At this point, get distracted and skip over a very important line in the instructions.
• Proceed to clean out fridge, stopping to stir every 15 minutes or so.
• About half an hour before onions are supposed to be done, notice that the bottom of the pan is very black.
• Decide that it’s time to stop cooking onions, pour in broth, Worcestershire, and garlic powder.
• Recall that the instructions said to scrape off the burnt bits to give the soup flavour, and consider the fact that that many burnt bits would really not be appetizing at all.
• Go back and read instructions again.
• Realize that you’ve been cooking the onions on medium-high for an hour and really you should have been cooking them on low.
• Sigh.
• Pour soup into new pan so there won’t be any more burnt bits (although there are still more than is strictly advisable).  
• Add a little sage because you have neither thyme nor bay leaves in the house.
• Skip adding sherry because the only sherry you have is the cream sherry your dad left you, and the only white wine you have is sweet and not at all suitable for cooking.
• Forget to add pepper.  Let simmer for half an hour.
• Remember pepper at last minute, and add then.
• Pour into bowl with a parmesan/fontina mix because it’s the only white cheese you have in the house.
• Eat soup, be surprised that it is still delicious even though you fucked up half of it.
• Decide to adjust recipe (although leave that cooking-on-low thing in place for next time) to make your fuckups into a NEW recipe.
• Profit???