Things I am realizing:

I am still angry.

Things I am deciding:

Whether to tell the person I’m angry with about it, despite the fact that it won’t actually make a difference to anything except me releasing that anger; or to, instead, whenever that person’s name pops up, keep doing what I have been: Take a deep breath.  Think about the fact that I am actually happier now.  Remember that, despite the fact that what this person did was pretty fucking awful, yelling at them is not going to make it less so.  Or at least not much.  Remember that the less time you waste on shitty people, the better.

I may still end up yelling.

So I have been intending to have a concentration in General Literature for a while…

But now that the time has come to seriously start taking steps toward preparing for/declaring a major, I think that I am going to do the stupid thing that I am passionate about instead.

I love analyzing and studying literature, but the thing that I want to get better at, the craft I really want to improve, is creative writing.

So.  I’m going to take the prerequisite courses this fall, if I can, and when the time comes (which will likely be in the spring semester), unless something changes drastically or I am deemed not good enough for the program, I am going to declare a Creative Writing major.

Let’s face it: right now I am not going to be applying for a Library Science program, and even if I did a lit major would be nice but not necessary.  And lord knows I’m not going to seek employment with my lit major.

So.  It’s time to make a decision, and I’m going to take the plunge.

So there is this guy that I met at a party a few months back.  We hit it off, he asked from my number, but then I didn’t hear from him.  Since at the time I was just starting to get involved with someone else, I didn’t really think anything of it.  Just as that short-lived thing that was starting back then was imploding, I ran into this guy again at a bar.  He came up and seemed super excited to see me, said we should hang out soon, and then I never heard anything.  So I ran into him a couple of nights ago and he came up to me again and said hi, and mentioned that he had texted me asking if I was there.  At which point a realization dawned on me, and I asked, “What number do you have for me?”  My number was one digit off in his phone, and he had apparently been texting me and not getting any responses, and was still miraculously super nice and friendly and not awkward every time we ran into each other.

The point of this story is that he just asked me to get a drink with him tonight, and while I would actually kind like to spend more time with him and see if there is any long-term chemistry there, the thought of a one-on-one first date scenario kind of breaks me out in hives/makes me feel like vomiting and I don’t want to do it.  Also I’m not sure that I want to date at all right now, for various reasons, including the fact that I am an introvert and I have so much going on already at the moment and I don’t know that I’m up for that kind of emotional exertion?  Like the last time I did it was because I didn’t feel horrible at the thought of it, but that happens like once in a million years and starting out with new people is fucking HARD.  

If I had some friends that were “coincidentally” already hanging out tonight and could invite him along in a low-pressure situation, that would be ideal.

I just went back to my book after far longer than I’d like to admit.

Dusk was falling. A hut on chicken legs finally struggled to a stop on the castle lawn.

“We’re late,” grumbled Tisiphone.

“I just hope we haven’t missed all the fun,” said Alecto, and she grinned. If the Golden King had seen that grin, there is a chance he would have surrendered on the spot.

Not a large chance. He had, after all, done much to get what he wanted. People often feel, foolishly, that they are trapped on their course once they have gone so far.

But perhaps the king did not feel at all. It is easier that way, more satisfying to picture Alecto slicing him open with her long, curved knife if he is remorseless, soulless.

Yes, let us say that he did not feel at all, and never had; he has never loved, never lost, never longed for anything that he did not receive. There. When he dies, we can rejoice without guilt.

But where were we? Oh, yes. The Furies were rushing into the castle, planning the king’s demise. Let us leave them there, shall we? There are more important events to tend to. Just now, Cara is facing the king.

And now I’m rediscovering how fun it is and I am super excited to start writing on a regular basis again.  I’m going to go in early to take advantage of the deck at work, I think, and start scribbling some new material.

Jay Gatsby was black: an explanation

tofuboots:

pollums:

So let me explain this theory for those of you who haven’t heard it before already.

The Great Gatsby is a story of a man that makes his fortune bootlegging and throws countless magnificent parties all in hopes of attracting the attention of his old flame Daisy.

But it’s really a story about insurmountable class barriers. Daisy will never be with Gatsby, no matter how much she claims to love him. No matter how hard Gatsby tries, he will always be stuck on West Egg, only able to admire the ‘green light’ of upper class american romanticism from afar. 

Themes of insurmountable class barriers permeate the entire novel right from some of the famous opening lines:

“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”

And so here’s the theory: 

Jay Gatsby was black, passing for white (“High yellow”)

Lower class vs upper class. Old money vs new money. East Egg vs West Egg. White vs black. Don’t believe me? 

Not only was the insurmountable barrier between him and Daisy one of class and upbringing, but also one of race.

What we take for granted as Gatsby’s whiteness is actually a omission of detail rather than a specific indicator that he was white.

From the article Was Gatsby Black?

Thompson adds, “When I ask people what basis there is for Gatsby being white, I get silence. I have asked students, colleagues. They don’t know. They cannot give me any evidence to back up the speculation. And why haven’t people made this argument so far?”

Of course as with any theory or reading of a classic text, there’s room for disagreement:

Fitzgerald scholar Matthew J. Bruccoli has one answer. “Because it’s mishigas! If Fitzgerald wanted to write about blacks, it wouldn’t have taken 75 years to figure it out. If that’s what Fitzgerald wanted, he would have made it perfectly clear in April 1925. Great works of literature are not fodder for guessing games. This kind of thing is bad for literature, bad for Fitzgerald, bad for ‘The Great Gatsby’ and bad for students who get exposed to this kind of guessing game.”

But why shouldn’t we play a guessing game with it? We don’t have Fitzgerald around to verify any of these details so why not have a bit of fun with the text? It’s a very modern reading of the text and it makes it not only more relatable but more heartbreaking.

Everyone has their own reasons why they can’t be with their own Daisy.

Why shouldn’t Gatsby be black? And why can’t he really be with Daisy?

In this discussion about whether or not Beethoven was black, the point is made:

Another tight question along these lines: Was Jay Gatsby black? Again, it’s probably not literally the case (as Fitzgerald intended it) –- but what’s much more interesting is everyone’s utter inability to take it seriously as a legitimate reading of the text, which it is.

As an English major, I just came.

While I have trouble placing enough faith in Fitzgerald to think this was his intention (if you look at his other books, dude was racist), I love this reading.  I’m of the author-is-dead camp (figuratively, not just literally, in this case) anyway.  Once the book gets out into the world, it belongs to the reader.  Any interpretation or new insight that a reader can get from the text is legit, especially if that interpretation makes The Great Gatsby much better than it was when solely belonging to Fitzgerald.

(via goblinparty)

Source: pollums

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